ADDERS AND SUNDAY LEISURE TIME

Sundays for me and other ADDers are difficult if there are no plans except for relaxing. This Sunday is a repeat of last Sunday, except that I had planned socialization with friends. I still had too much time on my hands today and no friends to meet. Now last Sunday, I left my cell phone somewhere and the rest of the time was filled up searching all over the city for it. Today, I decided to walk several miles on the track near me, but it was freezing here, so I hesitated. I didn’t feel like going to the gym and followed my negative feelings about it and didn’t go. Well, I did go to the track later in the day for a short time. Then fortunately, I realized that I lost my AMEX card yesterday at lunch on the opposite side of the city, which filled up a lot of time to retrieve it. As it is, I lose credit cards periodically. I should follow the directives I use in coaching, and keep track of important items such as credit cards even if losing and retrieving them saves the day!.

Imagine how hard it is for an ADDer to structure leisure time. So now I’m taking the time to write my experience today in a blog. Thank God I had lost that card. Like you, I should plan the day better. As it is, I’m under a lot of stress making a Thanksgiving for out- of- towners who will stay for the whole weekend, and the stress exacerbated my ADD inattention and spaciness. Interestingly the stress came from hyperfocusing on all the plans I had to make for this coming week, thereby neglecting the planning for the here and now. Also, I find that I waste a lot of time being “paralyzed” because I can’t make a decision about what to do or what I should do, I think that those with an ADD-brain style need to plan how to spend a day of unstructured time and not be anxious how to spend it when that time comes. Importantly, pick something to do so you don’t spend an unstructured day unable to decide what you should or want to do.

AS ADDers SAY: “IT’S JUST TOO MUCH TROUBLE!”

My personal experience with ADD as well with the ADD clients I coach is that tedious tasks unfortunately are accomplished not by looking at positive consequences but by the pressure of significant negative consequences. Here are some examples: Frequently I carry important articles like cell phones and credit cards in my jacket pocket and they fall out, but I usually retrieve them but after expending great effort to locate them. Obviously they should be put somewhere else, like in my pocketbook. I know this, but the consequences I experience are not all that bad. Yet, when I went to the 0pera last night, I emptied my pockets out of fear of items falling out and embarrassing me during the performance. In fact, I think I was able to get a Ph.D in Clinical Psychology which was a positive goal, but I got out because of the abusive situation. I studied hard ( if not hyperfocused) for the licensing exam out of fear of having to repeat it.

Clients with an ADHD brain style report that they often don’t wear their seatbelts in local traffic, because they fear that no accident of major proportions will happen; but they do wear their seatbelts on the highway because they can foresee serious consequences. One woman has a wallet which is always falling apart and she loses stuff. She knows she should get another one, but it takes effort to perform a tedious task, and frequently she finds items she’s looking for, so is unmotivated to change.

I have found that my clients who do not have an ADD brain style complete many tedious tasks with more patience and using strategies such as cognitive self-talk, to remind themselves of the long term benefits of their actions.

Unfortunately, ADDers are impatient and go with their feelings in the here and now, and don’t usually employ useful strategies to get things done.

For those of you ADDers who take stimulant medication, do you find that you still need coaching to accomplish tedious tasks? Many of my ADHD clients come to see me because the medication is not enough.

IMPULSIVE OR SPONTANEOUS ?

Many ADDers I coach complain about their impulsivity in social, work and financial arenas. In social situations, impulsivity can take the form of overtalkativeness, disrupting conversations, blurting out inappropriate statements and realizing it all afterwards. One client reported to me that she became afraid to offer opinions socially or at work, because she would come across poorly. As a result she has stifled her creativity and spontaneity and says nothing, She has become very anxious in these situations. What should she do? Of course, she should take the time to think before offering comments. But since that’s not likely, I think she needs to look at the ratio of her useful comments to her comments that bomb, and continue to risk making a few inappropriate remarks if, and only if, her positive contributions far outweigh the latter.

Another issue involves “urges”, such as impulsive buying. In that area, I’ve learned that if you are an impulsive ADDer and frequently buy items that are outside your budget and you don’t care for them later, resist the “urge”, because, believe it or not, an urge passes, if you wait it out. So then wait 24 hours and make the decision to buy at a later time.